Alok (fictional character) could qualify for the position of the world’s greatest “name dropper”. It was virtually impossible for him to talk without bringing up his associations with this or that big shot. Another notable characteristic about him was that he bragged to people about his accomplishments often.
A closer look revealed that associations (with those so called big shots) need not necessarily have been in real, they were often made up in his head and the accomplishments were at times made up too!!
Why would someone do that?
Did Alok have a need for recognition; that if people would not recognize him it wouldn’t feel right?
While it is often quite appropriate for us to tell others about one’s life happenings one needs to careful of not falling into the trap of slowly becoming a victim of the need to inform others to ensure self satisfaction. Once one puts the word need in his/her vocabulary, he is at the mercy of other people’s recognition of him – and if they refuse to recognize the person’s value / achievements for whatever reasons, the person collapses.
Are you doing that to yourself?
Are you giving away the right to others to be able to frustrate you?
Are you giving the power to others to make you or break you?
When Alok (back to the story) introspected, he noticed that his need to be important in other people’s eyes came from a his feeling of self worthlessness, which in turn had come from something which happened to him years ago which made him view himself as a failure.
Since then he had been on a mission to prove to everyone else “how great he was”.
But the sad part was everyone saw through him and he became a victim of his own low self esteem. When he name-dropped, his friends would just ignore him. When he bragged about himself he would similarly alienate his family, relatives and friends.
He then began a journey of extricating himself from his own trap. He consciously made efforts at avoiding bragging, boasting and “look at me” behavior. Once these behaviors subsided, he was more pleasant to be around, he began to have greater self confidence and most importantly he stopped being victimized by his own attitudes and behaviors.
The key here lies in how you feel about yourself. If you have self confidence, then pleasing yourself will be enough, since the self you are pleasing is worthy!
But if you lack self esteem then you will look to others for verification of yourself, and this is where you could get into trouble-Once you HAVE to get that reinforcement from without you are volunteering for a victim status.